Dr Wilson book Hurt people hurt people; premise is as simple as the book’s title. She shows how the process of hurting others is a cycle in that; “All of us have been hurt by people who all were hurt by other hurt people. In turn we-as hurt people-all have hurt other people to one degree or another” (Wilson, 2001). She also states that individuals learn child-like solutions to such issues as “trust, identity, and attachment” where become rooted in an individual because of binding shame (Wilson. 2001) . Sadly many children have to learn to act in a defensive or dysfunctional way to survive the abuse at the hand of their family.
Parents that tend to abuse where abused themselves and never got the needed emotional healing. Even though these survival techniques a child use to live through the abuse as a child serve a purpose it is when these same techniques carry over into an adults life that cause problems and negative behaviors, Dr. Wilson’s model is summarized “making and consistently practicing new choices produce changes” (Wilson, 2001). She also see the need for God’s Holy Spirit in the healing process but that we as God’s creation have an individual choice and responsibility in the process of change.
Wilson’s theory of change is cognitive behavioral as stated above in how ones choices are what produces change. She shares how one needs to first have a clear understanding of their brokenness that has caused the poor coping skills, and then recognizing the issues that need to be dealt with. It is from this new perspective in their thinking and behaviors that they can then begin to make new choices that will have a positive impact on present and future relationships. Wilson sees a balance in perspective when it comes to gaining insights and to the need to initiate and maintain their new behaviors in life.
This is done in that one remembers the “difference between self-focus and self-awareness” (Wilson, 2001). She also brings up a good point that “We won’t know we can change what we don’t know we have chosen” (Wilson, 2001). Wilson also recognizes that individuals can develop a distorted view of God due to a poor relationship with their parents. Interesting is that a person can also put their unresolved hurt and pain onto God who wants and loves them deeply. Many abused and neglected children have a hard time understanding God’s love.
They have been conditioned to think that being beaten, yelled at, or ignored is how God the Father will then treat them. Wilson provides counselors and hurting individuals a framework in understanding and helping their client’s heal from their emotional scars. It is easy to relate to Dr. Wilson because she is also sharing her own personal pain and hurt that God has helped her to heal. It is also vital to look at Wilson’s view on the practice of forgiveness and how if an individual decides to ignore it, it can place a road block in their process of change.
She believes that God speaks about forgiveness for the following reasons:” (1) we are all sinners with whom to relate so we’ll need to become skillful forgivers (2) God makes forgiveness a centerpiece of our healing process because living in un-forgiveness is so much worse (Wilson, 2001). Evaluation of the Strengths and Weaknesses One of the strength of Wilson’s model to healing is that is simple to follow. She provides a model to help individuals address their unhealthy behaviors while looking at the trauma they have experience in their lives.
In comparing her model to that of Hawkin’s concentric circles she appears to be dealing the temporal systems (Hawkins’s , 2010). Even though she is addressing the healing of an individual‘s soul she believes that in order to heal one needs to look at the effects of issues address in the temporal systems. As the individual begins to work on the deep wounds in their heart and soul and begin to work towards psychological and spiritual health then it will lead towards having a healthier outlook and functioning in the different areas of the temporal systems.
Dr Wilson has also developed an effective multitasking approach in counseling to help client’s develop a positive self concept. Her model pulls together different perspectives within psychology, theology and spiritual perspective. Both Wilson and McMinn agree in that there is a need to develop a “healthy sense of self” (McMinn, 1996). As an individual begins to work through their painful memories and their child-like view of others, God and themselves their sense of self, sense of need and healing relationships are then strengthened. (McMinn, 1996) Honestly as I read Wilson’s book I had a hard time to find any weaknesses in her approach.
She writes in a way that one can not only feel her heart but learn ways to begin their own spiritual and emotional healing. She makes you feel her heart, understanding, and genuine empathy. Some may feel though that her model is only going to be effective when working with Christians. I am not sure if I believe this to be true. I believe that she still gives one a working framework in working toward emotional healing. Personal Reflection and Application After reading Dr Wilson book I was able to see areas that I still need to experience emotional and spiritual healing.
My current living situation is not the best environment to live in. I am carrying some emotional wounds from what has been said and done while I have lived her. Dr Wilson has helped me see the need in working on these feelings and emotions. Many times I become trapped in my negative messages that I tend me see that some of the same wounds as a child have reopened and how I need to begin to replay which Backus and Chapian addresses in their book. (Backus & Chapian, 2000) Many abuse children learn to begin to believe the negative statements from their parents. One hurting thing that my father said to me was about my breast.
God has never blessed me with big breast and one day my father said to me, “Why don’t you do to the gas station and ask them to fill them up”. This has caused me to be self conscious of my body. I am overly sensitive to how men in particular look at my breast. I have had to work on other positive features of my body to compensate how my breasts look. One other point that I feel is important is Wilson’s statement : “If we refuse to conduct an honest investigation of the problem-laden harvest of our lives, none of us will face fears, release the tears, or spend the years necessary to get at the root issue” (Wilson, 2001).
This statement is making me want to step back and conduct an honest and painful investigation on some of the issues I may have thought I have dealt with and ask the Holy Spirit to help me begin the process of letting go. The question I have also asked myself is if one that has been sexually, physically and emotionally abused ever receive a total healing. I have never allowed myself to get close to people and when I do and feel threatened I find ways of pushing them away. I have even done this in my personal relationship with Christ.
A verse Wilson shares is that of Hebrews 10:22: Let us all come forward and draw near with true (honest and sincere) hearts in unqualified assurance and absolute conviction engendered by faith (by that leaning of the entire human personality on God in absolute trust and confidence in His power, wisdom, and goodness), having our hearts sprinkled and purified from a guilty (evil) conscience and our bodies cleansed with pure water” (Hebrew 10:22, Amplified Version). By allow God to pour His healing water over me and trusting that He loves me is vital in my own and future client’s life. References Backus, W. & Chapian, M.
(2000). Telling yourself the truth: Find your way out of depression, Anxiety, fear, anger, and other common problems by applying the principles of misbelief Therapy. Bloomington, MN: Bethany House Publishers. Bible Gateway. (1987). Amplified Bible version of Hebrews 10:22. Retrieved on 4/14/2011 from http://www. biblegateway. com/passage/? search=hebrews%2010:22&version=AMP Hawkins, R. E. (2010). Counseling 507, Week 1 lecture. Model for guiding the counseling Process [Power Point]. Lynchburg, VA. : Liberty University. Wilson, S. D. (2001). Hurt people hurt people. Grand Rapids, MI. : Discovery House Publishers.